Awareness Precedes Control
Sometimes meditation can sound passive aggressive. Have you ever been led through a meditation and the teacher keeps repeating, “and when you see your thoughts have drifted away… just notice that.” Or, “feel the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe… and just notice that.” Notice that! What are you trying to say to me, huh?! What are you implying?! Is this somehow about how I need to lose weight?!
Maybe I took a leap there. But that’s what happens when I hear “notice that,” without any further instruction. What’s so good about just noticing something? Usually the implication is that I’m supposed to do something about the thing that I’ve “noticed.” But what is that, exactly?
It’s taken me a while to recognize that the benefit of noticing something is simply that if you don’t notice it, you have no hope of controlling it. Awareness has to precede control. And if someone remains totally out of your awareness, it’s very unlikely to change.
An unfortunate aspect of many human animals is that we are tribalistic in nature. This theoretically dates back to when we needed a shorthand for assessing whether a stranger was a part of our society and could therefore be trusted, or if they were some knave from a neighboring group. Over time, this tribalistic tendency has expressed itself in horrific ways that happily have become less and less acceptable. It wasn’t very long ago that it was normal to discriminate based on race or religion. But as those forms of oppression have become more taboo, our tribalism has had to find different means of expression.
Research by social scientists has made a compelling case by asking people this question:
Would you be most disturbed to learn that a member of your family is dating a:
Person of another race
Person of another religion
Person of another political party
As you might expect, answers A and B have waned in their popularity (though they definitely had their haydays), but answer C has exploded. This is interesting. Many people think that animosity for the “other side,” simply comes down to a righteous disagreement about profoundly ethical issues. But what if this animosity is actually the one remaining vehicle for our genetic tendency to create Us vs Them dynamics?
It’s obvious to everyone that the amount of political anger in our country is unsustainable. It feels like a bitter, bitter divorce where neither party is actually able to leave the marriage. If people’s views aren’t about to change, are we doomed to be trapped in this horrible cycle? What are we supposed to do when someone expresses a belief, and something in our minds automatically places them into a category we deem as less deserving of care and compassion?
As sick as it makes me to say this, I think the best answer just might be, “notice that.” Notice what precisely is triggering this deadening of empathy. Not because it’s wrong or right. Not because what they believe is actually good. Not because you have to love everyone equally. But because we may not even understand what it is we’re doing to one another, and if we can’t become conscious of this cycle, we’ll never be able to change it.
Goodnight and Good Luck,
Harry
