Calling All Demons

I watched a documentary recently about the opioid epidemic. In it, a very sweet woman was being interviewed about her son who had tragically died of an overdose. I can’t stop thinking about one moment in particular, when this mother said, “He never even told me he was battling this addiction. Why couldn’t he tell me about what he was going through?”

It’s such a good question. Why couldn’t this man, who had a dear, sweet, loving mother who would have tried to help him in any way she could, tell her about his addiction? What was it about her that made her someone he could not open up to? Why wasn’t the goodness in her heart enough to make him comfortable with her.

Research into trauma has discovered a fascinating concept I’d like to share with you. Apparently, in predicting the severity of a trauma, there are two points to consider. The first point is the traumatic event itself—the more severe that moment, the more likely a person will develop PTSD. But the other most crucial moment is the first time you tell someone about what happened. Whether or not you are supported in the moment will make a world of difference in how your psyche processes the event.

That moment has been referred to as the “homecoming event,” and it's illustrated very clearly in the story of veterans. Soldiers will return from any war with some amount of trauma. But in World War 2, there weren’t nearly as many soldiers suffering from trauma as there were from Vietnam. Why is that? The “homecoming” theory believes the difference lies in the fact that soldiers returning from World War 2 were celebrated for what they had done, while soldiers returning from Vietnam were protested against. Their homecoming was devastating.

Why couldn’t that young man tell his sweet mother about his addiction? Well, think about it, would you expect that to go over very well? You’d frighten her half to death. You’d probably much prefer to go and tell some scarred up old addict, someone who had been to the same dark place you are now in and lived to tell the tale, because they at least will understand.

In that moment, a veteran addict, for all of his suffering, has a power that mother would have killed for. All because of the dark moments in his life. All because of his demons.

Our suffering, our mistakes, our failures, all of them have granted us access to certain clubs that only allow people who have had those experiences. There’s the heartbreak club, the “I got fired” club, “been to jail” club, etc. Of course there are many drawbacks to being a part of these clubs. But there is always at least one benefit: you are more suited than anyone to be there for the next person you meet who is going through the same thing. So don’t just hate your demons. Your demons have some work to do in this world. There are people in need of compassion that only a demon can give.

Thank you,
Harry