The Department of Friendly Ideas
I can’t tell my fingernails to stop growing. I can’t tell my hair to grow faster. I can’t tell my liver to stop liver-ing or my kidney to stop kidney-ing. These things are all run by other departments: the fingernail department, the kidney department… separate offices of my brain I’ve never been to and can’t even send communications to! We don’t have any illusions about there being other systems inside of our bodies which we collaborate with, but don’t have any control over. However, when it comes to the mind, it’s eerily easy to pretend we are in control of the whole thing. That’s my domain! Right?
A lot of people give up on meditation after a few tries because they sit down initially with the idea that they’re supposed to exercise control over their thoughts, and then they’re frustrated when they immediately encounter the fact that they can’t. They can’t stop thinking. They can’t even decide what to think about! Their thoughts seem to have a life of their own. It seems there’s some kind of thought-department that isn’t even you, just like the nails and the hair.
Rather than letting this be a reason to stop meditating, I think this first frustration is one of the most important revelations meditation can provide us. We are not even fully in control of our minds. But if we’re not, then who is? Who is living our lives, if not us? Who is writing all the dreams I have at night, and who is governing when and what I daydream about, or when I will feel inspired to do my work? When my brain decides to remind me of something I’ve forgotten, who made that decision? How many departments are packed into this thing?
When I was trying to quit smoking, I’d watch my physical cravings dissipate, only to steal back into my inner monologue as these seemingly trustworthy trains of thought: “It makes a lot more sense for me to quit next week when there will be so much less stress,” “I probably have a few more years before my health is really impacted…” It became clear to me that these thoughts were not fully my own creations. They were dispatches from a place I think of as The Department of Friendly Ideas. A very sinister and creative place that tries to trick me.
Most people never receive any kind of instruction in how to use their minds. We learn a lot about how to use our bodies. We learn what shapes our limbs can make, what they’re generally capable of, and how to use them in sports. We learn what moves our bodies are capable of. We don’t have as many opportunities to learn what moves our thoughts can make. And if we don’t control them, we cede that control to… someone else. Like the little demons in the Department of Friendly Ideas. Or to advertisers who know full-well that they can influence our mental ecosystem by trying to force thoughts about their products through our eyeballs. Or to the dog barking outside that we can’t stop thinking about.
Isn’t this all a little bit eerie?
Sometimes I think attention is a very boring topic. Too many memories of being told to pay attention to boring things have ruined the word for me! But to our very core, if we don’t have the ability to pay attention to what we choose to pay attention to, then we aren’t really free. We’re at the mercy of some other department. Our whole lives, experienced by us, but not chosen by us. That’s really what attention is all about: freedom.
Deeply Yours,
The Department of Hoping That Was Good
